Know your role

I used to think this was easy…knowing my role. I’m a daughter, a wife, a friend, a mom, and I have a role at work. Now, I know a Mom is several roles wrapped up in to one and that changes from family to family. In my family, I’m responsible for all the secretary-like/project manager tasks – school paper work, sports/activity registration, scheduling dr. appointments, managing our schedules, party planning, shopping for both Christmas/Easter, and clothes shopping. I manage mornings and bed times. I’ve very rarely not home at bed time but when I’m not, the girls are not happy. They’ve gotten better now that they’re a little older, but there was times that they would cry or stay up until I got home. I did a lot of the drop off/pick up from daycare and since my job is closest to daycare and school, I was always at-the-ready incase there required an early dismissal/pickup. I do some cooking, but Hubby does a lot of the cooking, majority of our laundry (he washes/dries and I put it all away), and probably 60% of our house cleaning. Our roles are such mostly because it works best with our work schedules.

So – I’m definitely aware of all the roles that I have. Those responsibilities were a lot already in addition to full time jobs. Now add in a pandemic… We’ve been so lucky thus far with our health and to still have our jobs. But – that doesn’t mean that we haven’t been impacted. Now add to my role: teacher, guidance counselor, therapist, and spiritual leader. Our girls’ school is doing a hybrid plan which means they go in to school 2 days a week, live stream class 2 days a week, and just have assignments/homework 1 day. And Daughter#2 is in kindergarten which means she only has 1/2 days of school. Here’s where my teacher role comes in – Hubby and I are now responsible for making sure our daughters are completing their home assignments and joining/participating their live streamed classes. Daughter#1 is doing ok. She’s able to read her assignments and understand what she’s supposed to be doing. But – I’m constantly reminding her to pay attention, focus, and read the instructions. Daughter#2 is just now learning her first sight words as a start to reading. This means that we need be a lot more hands on because we need to read what her assignments are and assist her a lot in what she’s supposed to be working on. I’m also motivating them and helping them understand the importance of school, the relationships that they’re building and how to handle any stress that they might be feeling. The girls have done great at adapting to their new school schedule and wearing masks all day at school. Their in-person school days are definitely their favorite days of the week.

We also have the girls attending CCD (Sunday school at church). They’re also practicing a hybrid type of schedule which means the girls go every other Sunday and have homework assignments for the off Sunday. This of course translates to me teaching religion to them on those Sundays.

This has also completely changed work schedules for both Hubby and me. We’ve been working from home since March. We’re lucky that we both have the ability, roles, and jobs that allow us to work remotely. It’s been a blessing. Hubby is setup in our office for his workstation and I’m in our dining room using the table as my workstation. I’ve really enjoyed sitting by the window and having a nice outdoor view. Its been fun watching the squirrels run around. We also tend to have a lot of birds that I’ve been watching too. The company that I work for is a global company and although I work at our corporate location, I’ve always done a lot of virtual collaboration and meetings with colleagues from all of our field/branch locations. So – it hasn’t been a huge change from working in the office, but I do really miss the daily interactions with the people at our corporate office.

Hubby on the other hand… he hasn’t adapted quite as well/quickly as I have. He’s used to being in the office and meeting with everyone in his office and walking to the hospital to meet with physicians whenever necessary for work. He’s now working from home and having all of those interactions virtually. There’s no more impromptu watercooler chats and meetings. There’s no more ad hoc gatherings for discussions about projects. He’s really been feeling stressed and unproductive – even though he’s still working hard from our office at home. He feels very distracted by being home – for good reason! He’s not able to set aside his role as Dad and shift to focusing solely on his work roles.

This brings up the extra role that I’ve had to take on as therapist. I’m now having to listen, support, and coach Hubby with how to manage and adapt to these changes. I’m constantly telling him that his feelings of stress are appropriate and warranted. I’d be more concerned if he wasn’t stressed. I’m of course always there, as his wife, to listen and support – but this is another level than just listening and being supportive.

I’m ready to go back to my original roles. I don’t want to be a teacher. I don’t want to be a therapist. I want to be a wife and mother again. I want to enjoy my kids instead of harping on them to get their school work done. I want to share more laughs with my husband again instead of us sharing our stress and anxiety.

I don’t have to look far to know that I’m not alone. My family, friends, and neighbors are dealing with the same. And in a lot of case, people are dealing with more. So, for now, I’ll be grateful that my family is still healthy; grateful that Hubby and I still have are jobs; and grateful spend all this extra time with our girls. They are growing fast and I’ll miss this time with them someday.