Our summer guest – my MIL.

For the last couple of summers, my MIL has visited for the summer. She typically stays with us for 6-8 weeks. The girls love it because they get to spend a lot of time with her. (My in-laws retired to Florida shortly after my oldest was born – so a lot of their interactions are through FaceTime.) She also helps us with getting caught up with chores around the house and babysitting/entertaining the girls. She makes herself at home which is great because we’re not playing “host” her whole visit. She also does her own thing sometimes too and visits with some family and friends while she’s here.

So – in a lot of ways, her visit is nice.

…And now on to the elephant in the room. The un-spoken reality. The invisible tension in the air that you can cut with a knife. The stress and anxiety and passive aggressive-ness that comes with her.

Just as a background… I’ve never had the feeling that my MIL likes me. And, actually – prior to getting married, she definitely tried to sabotage our relationship and had zero respect for me. There was even a conversation I had with her where she specifically asked my opinion and then did the opposite behind my back. I’m just definitely not who she envisioned as her daughter-in-law. It really does a number on my self confidence. And what makes this even harder is that my parents treat Hubby like their own son. My family jokes a lot about how much my parents spoil him.

Anyways – when my MIL is visiting, Hubby turns in to a different person. He’s stressed, anxious, paranoid, etc… He’s always worried making sure he does/says the right thing and is concerned that we say/do might upset her. There’s a definite feeling of walking on egg shells. Since every day brings a different issue and obstacle, I’m going to document it. We’re already at Day 3 so I’m going to catch up below:

DAY 1: THE ARRIVAL

She’s flying in with her niece (who is probably about 8 years older than Hubby) and the niece’s daughter (who is in between my daughters ages – turning 8 this month). My MIL has a new-found very close relationship with this niece since she recently mended her relationship with her sister (mom of said niece). My MIL has 3 sisters. She’s doesn’t speak at all to one, has an on/off mended relationship with the other 2 (currently one is mended and one is not)….making the situation currently: speaks to one and doesn’t speak to two. Anyhow, the niece and daughter flew to Florida last week for vacation and stayed with my in-laws. My MIL relayed an offer to us from the niece to let our girls fly down with them. I declined for numerous reasons (which I’m sure was a hot topic for them to theorize the reasons). But anyways, she arrived on Tuesday. Her flight was supposed to land in the afternoon. Me and Hubby are currently working from home and at that time, Pappy (my dad) was watching the girls for us. Hubby texted my MIL a few different times to find out what her plans were for the afternoon/evening. Should we expect her for dinner? She did not respond. So now a few hours later, Hubby and I are both done with work. He wanted to go to his buddy’s house to exercise and help with some construction. I had to leave to pick up the girls from my parents’ house (which is 25 minutes from my house). We have no idea when my MIL is planning on showing up, but we have tasks that we need to do, so we both leave. Of course, this is when she arrives at our house. No one is home. She can’t get the garage code to work to let herself in. Luckily, Hubby left a back door unlocked – just in case for her.

Of course the girls are thrilled to see her. She comes bearing gifts for them. Some of her little tea pots/cups, pretty linen napkins, etc so that they can have a proper tea party. I love that the girls have something special like that with her. I want my girls to have a special relationship with both sets of grandparents.

We discuss the schedule for the summer. My parents are going to help watch the girls 2 days a week. Hubby works 4, 10 hr days – so he’s able to watch the girls 1 day a week, which leaves 2 week days for my MIL to watch. She’ll also see them every evening and weekend too (because she’s staying with us.) She has also agreed to watch our dog while we take our annual beach/family vacation to my parents’ beach house. My family, my parents, my brother and his g/f, my cousin’s family, and my aunt/uncle all go during the same week. Me and Hubby typically drive out Thursday (to give the girls extra time to get settled) and leave the following Saturday – so roughly 10 days. So, the length of our vacation was brought to light for my MIL and she comments “Oh – that’s quite long. Do you usually go that long?”. I know she’s annoyed because we visit them every other year and it’s only for 1 week. There’s huge differences/reasons why. The biggest is the flight. It costs a lot more money to fly 4 people to Florida than it does to drive 4 people 6 hours to the beach. The other reason is the weather. We try to avoid Florida in the summer time because of the heat/humidity. We can’t take a surplus of time off to go there in the Fall, Winter, Spring – because the girls are in school.

The summer schedule continues… we mention that my parents are taking the girls camping (2 nights) in mid July. MIL of course doesn’t say anything to me about it but as soon as I take the girls upstairs for their showers, she grills Hubby. “So, is this camping thing new? What – are they like setting up tents? Do the girls usually go with them?” Meanwhile, I’m sure we’ve mentioned to her in passing conversation that my parents have a camper and they’ve been camping for about 6 summers now. This summer is the first time they’ve let the girls camp with them. Just because she’s visiting us all summer, does that mean we can’t make any other plans? There’s a few things I would like to do with the girls this summer, especially since we couldn’t do much last summer because of Covid.

(I should also mention that my MIL doesn’t speak to my parents anymore… because my family (us, parents, brother/gf) planned a trip to Disney and we aren’t going to stay at my in-laws house (which is about an hour drive away from Orlando) – so she convinced herself its because my parents don’t like her. (Disney closed (due to Covid) a week before our trip was scheduled – so we need to still reschedule.) So now, she goes out of her way to not interact with my parents.

Deep breath …. it’s only day 1. *sigh*